"Sake, sake..!" hummed Kitsune to herself as she poured herself another cup from the oversized bottle next to the couch. Life was much more fun for her since Keitaro's arrival - largely due to the ease with which she could extort money from him. In fact, at the moment she found herself in need once again, since the bottle was nearly empty. Never mind - Keitaro was on his way in, and a brief exposure of her... assets... would ensure a nosebleed and a fresh supply.
She giggled to herself, semi-drunkenly. This would be too easy...
Keitaro wandered into the entrace hallway, with a somewhat wicked grin on his face after seeing Naru's recent accident. Sure, he still loved her, but maybe experiencing his pain would make her somewhat more sympathetic to his constant problems? Wrapped up in these thoughts of Naru, he failed to notice Kitsune until she popped up from her hiding place behind the couch and hung her arms around his neck.
"Hey, Keitaro!" she slurred, "I would be... really grateful... if you'd just nip out and get me a couple of bottles of sake! Shall we say, two bottles a grope?" She grabbed Keitaro's hand, and pressed it against her ample bosom.
As Keitaro fought to contain yet another nosebleed brought on by the soft, warm flesh against which his hand was resting, he desperatly thought, Why does she always do this to me? Can't she stop drinking so much, for once?
Suddenly Kitsune realised, this alcohol-soaked life was no way to carry on. She dropped Keitaros hand, and threw away the sake bottle, as she finally understood her true vocation - "I will retire from the world, and join a nunnery! Lead an aescetic life, finally alcohol-free and healthy!" she announced to the world passionately.
As Keitaro backed out of the room in shock, Kitsune shook her head sadly.
"That's the last time I buy that brand!" she thought to herself, "That's the worst hallucinations I've ever had! I think I need another drink... me in a nunnery? Yeah, right..."
As she staggered out of the room, two figures entered by the main door. Kitsune paused only to shout out, "Keitaro! Door!", and wandered off in search of a less risky brand of her favourite drink.
When Keitaro arrive back at the entrance, the two visitors had already taken up their positions ready to drag him down to the couch.
"Keitaro! Remember your best friends?" they chorused as they dragged him down between them.
"Uh... Hentai and Shirli, right?"
"Augh! It's Haitani and Shirai! Aren't you tired of that old joke yet?" they yelled, while holding up placards with their names written on in red ink.
"Anyway, " they continued, more calmly, "we have decided to visit you because we are in a position to do you a great favour! Yes, we have some free tickets for the local amusement park, and we..."
"Want to give me a couple so that I can take Naru on a date?"
"No..."
"Want to sell me a couple so that I can take Naru on a date?"
"Good idea, but no. We want to give you the opportunity to set us up on dates with a couple of the hot babes you are sharing this place with! We know you've been feeling guilty at having all this hot crew to yourself for so long, so now we graciously give you the opportunity to share with us!". They beamed at him while waving a handful of tickets in his face. "Any of them will do, although Shirai has a preference for Haruka and I'd rather not have Naru - my bones are still a bit damaged from last time. So, when can we expect you to let us know?"
Keitaro slumped down even lower at this verbal barrage.
"Come on guys, I can barely get myself a date. What makes you think I can convince any of the girls to give you the time of day?" he moaned.
"We have faith in you! By the way, if it's Motoko, make sure she wears that french maid outfit, hmm? Although I'd rather have Shinobu - the quiet ones are always a bit more passionnate in the sack..." Haitani winked at Keitaro with a seriously hentai expression on his face.
Can't these guys find some other outlet for their hormones? thought Keitaro.
Haitani looked at Shirai, and caught hold of his hand. "Shirai," he said hesitantly, "you know, all this time there has only been one person on whom I could rely to always be there for me..." Shirai looked deep into his eyes. "Yes..." he replied, "we have always been together, but I never realised that you felt the same way about me... why do we waste so much time chasing these unappreciative women when we already have what we need?" "Oh Shirai!" "Haitani!" And they drew each other into a passionate embrace, tears pouring from their eyes in joy.
Keitaro looked on in amazement, his jaw almost hitting the floor. It probably served them right for making that comment about Shinobu, but how would they react now?
Haitani and Shirai suddenly pulled back from each other, with a bright blush on their faces.
"Haitani... I don't know what came over me..." mumbled Shirai.
"Me neither!" he responded. "Did you... mean what you said?"
"Oh yes, every word! I don't know how I finally found the courage to confess to you!"
"I'm so pleased!" shouted Haitani, as they linked hands and ran out of the building together, leaving behind not only Keitaro but also the rest of the residents, all looking completely amazed. Shinobu looked swirly-eyed and dazed as she took in the full meaning of the exchange. Motoko and Naru could only be described as looking relieved.
"I always thought they seemed to be trying too hard," said Naru, "I guess that explains a few things..."
Later, back in Naru's room, Mutsumi was changing her dress after getting watermelon juice on the old one. The Okinawan Angel sensuously undid the buttons, before allowing her dress to fall softly into a pool at her feet. She admired her flawless body in a full length mirror, from her long legs to her curvaceous and very feminine bosom, all clad in the most exotic of feminine lingerie. "Maybe I will also change my underwear," she thought, as she started to unclip her
Mutsumi looked around. She had the strange feeling that someone was watching her, but couldn't quite work out why.
"Ara.. is someone there? Kei-kun? Naru-chan?" she asked, grabbing a towel to cover herself. "You know, this is only PG-13 - you can't take this gratuitous scene any further, hentai!"
Down in the kitchen, Shinobu worked had at what she did best. Although she was always uncertain of her other abilities, she was almost sure that her cooking impressed Keitaro-sempai. She would make a special effort tonight to give him his favourite - maybe then he would agree to another date... if she could ever work up the courage to ask him.
"Oh, sempai!" she whispered to herself, "I love you so much! I don't know how I will ever manage to be with you though... Cheshire would just be too jealous to write us together..."
She paused in her chopping of the vegetables.
"Who on earth is Cheshire?"
Now the fourth wall is definitely showing a few major cracks. What is going on? And why hasn't Keitaro jumped Mutsumi yet?
And, did any of you suspect Haitani and Shirai swung that way? A bit of a surprise to me, I can tell you. Serves them right for making lascivious comments about the sweet, innocent kawaii Shinobu, though. And Shinobu's right, I'd never let anyone else get his hands on her in my fan-fic.